婚姻物語

朋友傳給我英文版，以下附上我的中譯：

Marriages are made in heaven. 婚姻乃天作之合。
But then again, so is thunder and lightning.風雷雨電也是。

If you want your wife to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.想老婆聽清楚你講的每一個字，說夢話吧。

Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!婚姻是偉大的----離婚也是，起碼要十萬元。

Married life is very frustrating. 婚姻生活令人沮喪。
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.第一年，男人講話，女人聽。
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.第二年，女人講話，男人聽。
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbours listen.第三年，兩人同時講話，鄰人聽。

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:有男人為老婆開車門？可以肯定：
Either the car is new or the wife is. 那是新車或新老婆。

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; 婚姻是男女兩人變為一人。

The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.問題是你變我還是我變你。

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. 結婚前，男人整晚不睡，想著妳說的話。
After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.結婚之後，妳未講完他已經睡著了。

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook.每個男人都想有漂亮、善解人意、用錢節制、入得廚房的老婆。

But the law allows only one wife.但是法律只准娶一個。

Marriage and love are purely a matter of chemistry.婚姻和愛情純屬化學作用。
That is why one treats the other like toxic waste.所以夫妻視對方為有毒廢料。

A man is incomplete until he is married.男人未結婚，還未算完全。

After that, he is finished.結了婚，他完蛋。