衰仔！

(中譯：Chris)

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed as nicely made and everything was picked up.有一個父親經過兒子的睡房門口，發覺床呀甚麼的，都收拾得整整齊齊，大驚失色。

Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' 他看到一個信封，明顯地豎在枕頭上，上面寫著「給父親」。

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. 意識著最壞的境況，他的手指顫抖，打開信封閱讀內文。

Dear Dad:親愛的父親：

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. 孩兒不孝，執筆維艱，稟告父親大人，我已經與新女友私奔，因為我不想和父親母親反面。

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. 我一直在尋覓真愛，現在找到媚姨，她對我很好。

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. 但是我知道您們一定不會喜歡我和她來往，因為她穿環、文身、穿緊身地獄天使裝，尤其是她比我大很多年。

Dad, she's pregnant. 父親，她懷孕了。

Stacy said that we will be very happy. We share a dream of having many more children.媚姨說我們會很幸福，我們都想多生幾個。

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.媚姨讓我懂得，吸大麻沒甚麼大不了。

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.我們現在自己種大麻，用來和附近的朋友交換可卡因和搖頭丸。

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. 現在我們只希望愛滋病特效藥早日面世，讓媚姨好轉過來。她不想死。

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.父親不用擔心，我15歲了，懂得照顧自己。

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. 我知道我們有一日會回來，讓您見到兒孫滿堂。

PS.又及：

Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. 父親，上面所說的一切都不是真的。其實我在隔壁小強的家。

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a report card. 我只是想提醒您，比一張不及格的成績表更恐怖的東西，這世界多的是。

That's in my center desk drawer. 我的成績表，就在床邊的抽屜裡。

Call me when it's safe to come home. 甚麼時候我可以沒事，請叫我回來吧。