最好笑的英文笑話：解畫

昨日文章：最好笑的英文笑話

英國人的幽默，我們覺得好笑不好笑，見仁見智了。本文分類是「英語教室」，就解解畫算了。

12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked. 
Wishing well是「許願井」，投個錢幣進去許個願。有些洋人厭惡岳母，所以有這個笑話。

11. Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite.
Wind 也可解作 「屁」。


10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
Pint(品脫)是舊時的英制容量單位，一Gallon(加侖)約4500c.c. 有 4夸脫(Quart)，一夸脫是二品脫。英式酒吧還有用品脫計啤酒的，即約550c.c.的一大杯。Tarmac是鋪路的建材。One for the road，是英國人聚在一起喝酒，到最後「喝多一杯就分手上路回家」的說法。

9. I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already. 
喝得威士忌多了，迷迷糊糊，耽誤了公事。

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home." He said: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" I asked. "It's not unusual," he replied.
The Green Green Grass of Home和It's Not Unusual都是60-70年代英國流行曲巨星Tom Jones的名曲，當年TVB 每星期有播放「湯鍾士之歌」電視節目，It's Not Unusual是節目的主題曲。

7.  Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.
Aerial是電視天線；這裡是玩Reception 這個字，可解為「接受能力」和「婚宴」。

6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.
這裡是玩字： Charge 可解作「起訴」和「充電」；Let off 可解作 「釋放」犯人和 「燒」煙花。

5.  A classic from Tommy Cooper - I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."
Split：「一字馬」，Flexible ：「柔軟、靈活」，又可以解為在和別人約定時間的「伸縮性」，I can't make Tuesdays，或I can't make it on Tuesdays 是說 「我星期二不行」。

4.  A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next." 
又一個譏笑金髮女愚蠢的笑話：Shut up, you're next! 是兇徒脅持人質時，殺了一個人之後，警告其他人不要叫的慣用語。

3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 
Dyslexic是「讀寫障礙」，Bra 是 Bar 之誤。

2. Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu. 
Shitzu就是香港人說的「西施」狗，其實是原產自中國的「獅子」狗的音譯。

1.  A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."
這個，不需要解畫了吧。