2010年10月24日 星期日

最好笑的英文笑話

新鮮熱辣!在前天10月22日在英國的網站發布,據說是在網上搜集了1000個,然後由36個人投票決定最好笑的50個。

Revealed: The 50 funniest jokes of all time
 
有朋友看到了,又轉寄給我和其他朋友,說可能是語言和文化隔膜,看不懂大部分,不知道有甚麼好笑 ,問可否為他「解畫」。

現在我把頭12個逆序貼出來,他們認為最好笑的是最後的 No.1.。大家接受挑戰嗎:

12. My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed. I never knew they worked.

11. Went to the doctors and said: "Have you got anything for wind?" He gave me a kite.

10. A man walks into a bar with a roll of Tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."

9. I'm on a whisky diet. I've lost three days already.

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass Of Home." He said: "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome." "Is it common?" I asked. "It's not unusual," he replied.

7.  Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The reception was brilliant.

6. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

5.  A classic from Tommy Cooper - I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."

4.  A young blonde fears her husband is having an affair. She goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The next day she finds him in bed with a redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps off the bed and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically, the blonde responds to the husband: "Shut up, you're next."

3. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

2. Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.

1.  A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me." The man says: "You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

21 則留言:

  1. electrosphere上午7:28

    如果呢d都叫最好笑嘅話,咁好多中文笑話有深度好多wor~

    回覆刪除
  2. Not funny to me. It might reflect why UK is falling behind in today's global competition.

    回覆刪除
  3. 暫時不理他夠不夠好笑......
    想問問大家,都看得明白它的英文嗎?

    回覆刪除
  4. Here is a joke. Three Catholic men and a woman were gathering in the pub. The first man said, "You know my son is a priest. When he enters into the room, everyone calls him Father." The second man said, "My son is a Cardinal, everybody greets him with Your Excellency". The third man said, "My son is the Pope. Everybody salutes him with Your Holiness." Then they all eyed at the woman who sat quietly. "Well ?" The woman replied, "My daughter is a pretty young blonde with the most glamorous look. Whenever she appears, people will exclaim OH My God."

    -photog666

    回覆刪除
  5. 有好幾項,對於我來說,整體意思不明,不知是否因為個別單詞有非一般的定義。
    例如排第十的 Tarmac 和 Pint ;排第七的 aerial 和排第三的 walk。

    回覆刪除
  6. electrosphere下午12:03

    1和8不知笑點在那

    回覆刪除
  7. electrosphere下午12:03

    是10和8才對

    回覆刪除
  8. "The Green, Green Grass Of Home" 和 "It's not unusual" 都是 Tom Jones 唱的,病人對那個歌星太著迷了。

    回覆刪除
  9. 我暫不加意見,明日開估。

    回覆刪除
  10. 雖然我唔飲酒亦唔覺好笑,但係幾鍾意第九嘅思維.

    回覆刪除
  11. Stephen下午2:24

    好幾個jokes都是玩雙關語,對嗎?

    回覆刪除
  12. #3:有讀寫障碍症的人,看及書寫文字,都有困難。此君將bar看成bra,其實很可憐。

    回覆刪除
  13. muzikland下午10:51

    ha, i'd better wait for chris' translation.

    回覆刪除
  14. #11的wind是「腸氣漲」。

    第一名除非還有玄機,否則看不出來有什麼好笑。

    回覆刪除
  15. 小女(十歲)喜歡講些網路看來的冷笑話,大多幼稚無聊,但有一個倒有點趣:

    問:金庸曾以自己每部小說書名頭一個字組成對聯:「飛雪連天射白鹿,笑書神俠倚碧鴛」,那麼,J.K.羅琳各小說的頭一字可組成什麼句子?

    答:哈哈哈哈哈哈~(說出這答案時要一氣呵成^^)

    回覆刪除
  16. Raymond,
    唔知你係"咪"中左招!

    唔係"咁"都算笑話係話?將 bra 讀(或睇)成 bar 就斷定患上 dyslexia ?都係跟上文"嗟"(雖然無下理)。係就有心整蠱囉。
    不過如果將 bar 寫成 bra 都算的話,作者都算捉虫。
    而嚴格"黎"講,只係將 bar 寫 bra ,而無將 bra 讀成 bar,最多都係患 dysgraphia 。

    當成有些讀者患 dyslexia 或作者患 dysgraphia ,勉強都算笑話掛?

    實情唔知係"咪"讀者我自己捉虫。哈哈!


    噹噹,
    我覺得排第一"哥"個「笑話」算刻薄囉。

    回覆刪除
  17. Kelvin Yip 提到...
    Raymond,
    唔知你係"咪"中左招!

    唔係"咁"都算笑話係話?將 bra 讀(或睇)成 bar 就斷定患上 dyslexia ?都係跟上文"嗟"(雖然無下理)。係就有心整蠱囉。
    不過如果將 bar 寫成 bra 都算的話,作者都算捉虫。
    而嚴格"黎"講,只係將 bar 寫 bra ,而無將 bra 讀成 bar,最多都係患 dysgraphia 。

    當成有些讀者患 dyslexia 或作者患 dysgraphia ,勉強都算笑話掛?

    實情唔知係"咪"讀者我自己捉虫。哈哈!


    You are so mean to Raymond and all those suffering dyslexia.

    inno

    回覆刪除
  18. inno,
    千祈唔好誤會,我覺得話排第三"哥"個係笑話真係好勉強"稼"。請各位原諒,在此我承認我有 receptive aphasia 。

    回覆刪除
  19. 我"家下"明第七"哥"個啦,原來兩個 aerials ,一個發射、一個接收。
    我一向將天線定義為僅僅用來接收無線電波的器材,而發射無線電波的器材我就叫佢做發射站或發射器"肋"。

    回覆刪除
  20. These are "wise cracks" more than jokes....

    回覆刪除