中式英文

今日要講一份網友之間傳閱，大陸向外國遊客發出的旅遊資料。

可以作為反面教材，警戒我們寫英文不可從中文直譯，要注意拼法相近的錯字，以及避免用貌似高深而自己未搞清楚用法的字。

有問題的，我已打了斜體，大家請來判斷，到底錯在哪裡：

Getting There:

Our representative will make you wait at the airport.

The hotel bus runs along the lake and you will feel pleasure in passing water.

You will know the hotel is near, because you will go round the bend.

The manager will have intercourse with all new guests.

At the Hotel:

This is a family hotel, so adultery and children are welcome.

Nurses are available in the evenings to put down your children.

Guests are invited to conjugate in the bar and expose themselves to others.

But please note that ladies are not allowed to have their babies in the bar.

We organize social games, so no guest is ever left alone to play with himself.
 
Your Room:
Every room has excellent facilities for your private parts.

In winter, every room is on heat.
 
Each room has a balcony offering views of outstanding obscenity.

Please feel free to ring for the chambermaid and take advantage of her.

Hospitality:

When you leave us at the end of your holiday, you will struggle to forget it.

Be funny during your stay!


P.S. 網友荒言老師對上述譯文有考證，大家請參看：
http://notesbooks.wordpress.com/2013/05/09/%E5%87%BA%E8%99%95/