2012年9月28日 星期五

你是不是......


(博君一笑而已,請勿對號入座為盼)

某教的虔誠信徒,一生人嚴格遵守所有戒律,都是為了最大的願望----死後上天堂,見到他最尊敬的先知XXXX。

他死後,果然靈魂直上雲端。到了天堂之門,有一個人在守著,信徒很高興的問:

請問你是先知 XXXX嗎?

「不是,我是彼得。你要找 XXXX嗎?他在上面----」彼得遙指一條天梯,是通往更上方的一堆雲的。


信徒謝了,趕快爬上天梯,好不容易才到頂,見到一個白鬚的老頭,信徒問:

啊!你一定是尊敬的先知 XXXX 了!

「孩子,不是,我是摩西。你要找 XXXX嗎?他在上面----」摩西遙指另一條天梯,是通往更上方的一堆雲的。

 信徒謝了,趕快爬上天梯,好不容易才到頂,見到一個很英俊的人,信徒說:

「您好!先知XXXX!我好不容易才見到你!」

「呵呵,我不是!我是耶穌呢! 你要找 XXXX嗎?他就在上一層----」耶穌遙指另一條天梯,是通往更上方的一堆雲的。

信徒有點失望,但是回心一想,原來先知 XXXX在天堂的地位,比耶穌還要高,也很快慰。他用盡飲奶之力,爬完最後一條天梯,到了九霄雲外,終於見到一個長鬚老者。

「先知XXXX,我是信徒某,歷盡千辛萬苦來見您的。」

老者慈祥地說:

「我兒,我不是XXXX,我是上帝!你很累了吧?不如坐下休息一下........」信徒這時累得癱在椅子上。

 上帝說:「怎樣?喝杯咖啡好不好?」

上帝拍了兩下手,大聲叫道:





「 XXXX,拿兩杯咖啡來!」 

(文章允許轉貼,請具作者名字:梁煥松)
 ............

43 則留言:

  1. 先知XXXX是穆罕默德?

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  2. Raymond上午9:27

    心胸狹隘的虔誠教徒,可能忍受不了這類無傷大雅的笑話!

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  3. 上帝都算仁慈, 信徒某最後會黐線嗎?

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    1. 正如樓下網友說的,在一些宗教文化裡,先知都只是神的奴僕。

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  4. 先知的地位在神眼中,該正如同奴僕,為傳達主人的旨意。

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    1. 應該系太監~~~

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    2. 不是太監,上天應沒有這些人間的產物。

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    3. 小溪說的有理,可作如是觀。

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  5. 這個真正的上帝還好,給你休息還給你喝咖啡

    如果真的是XXXX 會那麼好嗎?

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    1. 聽古勿駁古....

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    2. Don't forget that drinking coffee is an Arab invention; Allah has every reason to have the best coffee ever made.

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    3. 是嗎?不講不知道。

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  6. 可憐!我沒有宗教信仰。我信烏哩單刀佛。世界上沒有這種佛。
    我尊重所有宗教。我不喜歡的是:一些拿起宗教大旗,以替天行道為名,另有目的為實之人。
    同學的笑話講中我,因為我的先知X先生,就在自己身邊。

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    1. 我成日講的,宗教是特效藥,可以治病;但拿來當飯食,整個人離不開它來生活,你諗你了。

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    2. 很多基督教友真的觉得返教会比返工一样重要,如某周日不返教会便很内疚,而且相信有什么困难只要祈祷能解决一切。
























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    3. 「誠,則靈」,是有道理的。

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  7. 看了两次才睇明白!

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  8. 真夠膽, 挪上帝開玩笑?!

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    1. 歐洲基督教文化的傳統說法,聖彼得是天堂的守門員,也是憑空亂說的啦。

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  9. 這是一篇原創、改編,還是翻譯的作品?

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    1. 原來是英文,我看了大概,蓋上書全部改寫。

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  10. 呵呵,你肯定是看過意大利以L字開頭的咖啡廣告啦,幾乎一模一樣!

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    1. 沒有啊!
      是Lavazza嗎?
      有沒有引起某教人的抗議?

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  11. Mr.Bean 唱聖詩唔夾band,也是博君一笑而已。
    KL

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    1. Mr Bean 想退休了,觀眾一大損失。

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  12. 小溪兄講得無錯,我無慧根,唔識笑。

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  13. 好在你不是說阿拉真神,唔係分分鐘俾人下網上追殺令.april

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  14. 阿拉和基督教、猶太教的神是同一位,只是稱呼不同矣。

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  15. 基督教和伊斯蘭教千百年的世仇,不知恩怨為何這般難解。光從這個笑話,都能看出兩者的緊張關係。

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    1. 因為兩者是認為只有自己已經相信的對,人家一定不對。
      分土而治,有限度往來,兩者還可以有和平。但是現在牽涉到資源和生存空間的衝突,可見的將來都沒有希望。

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  16. like my comment on yukman's writing and preaching, some love him nuts and some certainly hate him to guts, man!!

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    1. 昨晚看了他在悉尼科技大學的二小時演講。

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    2. what do you think? old news to me, but could be quite amusing for those youngsters who tended to watch it like a "tung duk siu" show. in fact he has adopted the tactic as "happy politics" in his recent presentation that may appeal to more. unfortunately his group seems not quite interested in what I have been preaching, except "tai kao". no wonder why some critics said his group could not get no where, at best, an opposition over the colony before 2047.

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    3. 搞變革要內應外合,找尋新血,他的路線是對的。
      有點像孫中山當年的做法。
      香港的未來要靠年輕選民和年輕參政。
      他的話題,講過百九幾次,已經爛熟都到不用底稿,能夠不停地講兩小時。

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  17. 出多d笑話吧, 很久冇出過了你

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  18. My observation over the years. 博君一笑而已,請勿對號入座為盼

    What Type Of Christians Are You And Want To Be

    When I talk about Christians I use the term categorically. It means all Christians inclusively. It comprises the Holier-than-Thou Roman Catholics to the middle of the road Anglicans and Lutherans to the wayward Three Jims’ Ministries. For the benefit of those who already forgot who the three Jims are. I just briefly give their stories here. Rev. Jimmy Jones of The Peoples Temple led a mass suicide pact of 909 people in Jonestown, Guyana; Rev. Jim Bakker, a well-known televangelist was imprisoned for financial fraud; Rev. Jim Swaggart, another successful televangelist fell down from the pedestal for being caught many times with prostitutes.

    Over the years I have met many Christians. I can summarize here the types that I understand them. It has really nothing to do with the denominations that they belong to. It has every to do with the style they believe.

    Pious Christians- This type are the Holier-than-Thou Roman Catholics and any believers that have no hesitation and are so eager to tell you that they believe in God and their unequivocal strong faith in Jesus Christ. They will pray in every possible occasion, publicly in any social settings. They basically ignore the teaching of Jesus Christ not to pray in public. All they try to show is that “I am holy and you are not.”

    Social Christians- Those Christians go to the church regularly and possibly fall sleep half way through the service. They only like all these welcome/farewell hugs and kisses, especially with beautiful ushers. They like the church socials, barbecues, fundraising dinner, picnics etc. You will never fail to see them in any of those events.

    Two-Hours-a-Week Christians- This type only attends the church service once a week and you will not see them again till next week. They are quiet in church and follow all the rituals as required. No questions and no demands from them. They went away to carry on with their daily life as they see fit, whether it is in accordance with the teaching of the church or the bible or Jesus Christ is irrelevant to them. They only give God two hours a week.

    Functions Christians- This type only shows up at the church functions that they like. If they like dancing, you will see them the church dance. Unlike the Social Christians they are selective.

    Twice-a-Year Christians- Those who attend church only twice a year at Easter and Christmas.

    Once-a-Year Christians- Those who attend church only once a year at Christmas.

    Life Time Christians- Those who were baptized as a kid but never go to church as adult. Religion is irrelevant to them. Their relatives may hold a funeral in the church for them when they die.

    Gastronomy Christians- A friend of mine told me when he was a poor student in the university he was baptized and went to church often. Why? It is because he could not afford good foods and did not know how to cook. Church gatherings are the only time he could eat and enjoy good home cooked dishes.

    Dating Christians- Those singles who go to church to find girl/boy friends.

    Musical Christians- A Christian friend once told me that Christians Churches are very musical. He apparently enjoys the church music and involves in it. I am never aware that Jesus Christ knew the gospel songs or Michael Jackson.

    Tourist Christians- Those who often join the church groups to go to the developing countries to spend a few weeks, nominally to help building a school or a nursing station or whatever. There are, of course, some sightseeing trips in the package. After three weeks, mission accomplished, they are gone. God will look after you folks in the mountains and in the slums. God bless you.

    Campaign Christians- Those you will meet at your door steps. They hand you a pamphlets and invite you to their church to listen to the good news. What is it? Go there and you will find out. They are in a hurry to the next house.

    Part 1 of 2

    Samson
    Ontario, Canada

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    1. 歷史原因,基督教是西方的主流。
      那些如Jimmy Jones, David Koresh 之流,要創自己的怪誕宗教,都是依附基督教的皮毛來做文章。
      好些黐線教主,都是自稱耶穌再世,一來他們知是識那一丁點,二來這樣才會吸引到人信。
      歐美之外的地方,人家有別的宗教,根本不信耶穌,當你傻佬辦,無用矣。
      Samson的分析很細,等看你的Pt.2。

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  19. Part 2 of 2

    Debating Christians- They are Mormons, Jehovah Witness and similar door-knockers. If you want to discuss and invite them into your house or let them sit in your porch, they can talk and debate with you from sunrise to sunrise to sunrise and till the Kingdom come. They do not need to have food or drinks because God will shower manna to them. They are doing God’s work to spread the good news. They want to save you, the sinner. When they show up at your front door, you better take their handouts, say ‘thank you’ and shut the door as fast as you can. Otherwise you will be risking yourself in drowning in deep holy water. If you want a debate, go to a big roadside gospel tent and find your nemesis. By this way you are in control of the debate and you can withdraw from the discussion anytime you want.

    Hell-fearing Christians- Those who are so fearful of going to hell in afterlife. They become Christian because they need insurance to go to heaven.

    Smoothie Christians- Those are not necessarily Christians, baptized or not. They worship in any religious places, be it church, temple, synagogue, or mosque. They want to have a good relationship with all Gods and want to receive blessings from all of them for their family and business. They are smooth as silk and slippery as eels

    Television Christians- Those are basically seniors, shut-ins, mobility challenged people. They want to go to the church but they cannot. They just watch the Sunday services on TV. They make generous donations to those Three Jims’ Ministries.

    I-Christians- Similar to the Television Christians except they are younger and savvy on computers. It is fashionable these days to put an “I” before everything, therefore I-Christians. They are too lazy to go to the church and used to do everything online. They may wed their bride online too. They think church and God are in the apps of their computers

    Welfare Christians- We do not have them too many now. In the 50’s and 60’s of the last century, Hong Kong churches distributed many free food packages to the poor in order to attract them to the church. Many poor families depended on those handouts for their basic survival. More often than not the whole family got baptized and became Christians. They “eat” in religion not believe in religion. My sympathy goes to those people in that dire situation.

    For-Kids-Schooling Christian - Those who want their kids to attend Christian schools but they are not Christians so their kids cannot enroll. Easy, they get themselves baptized.

    Business Christians- Those who involved in business such as Tupperware, Amway, real estate or insurance. They know they can establish contacts in the church to promote their business. After you casually talk to them a couple of times, you will get an invitation to their Tupperware party or Amway meeting or receiving real estate pamphlets and so on. When they exhaust their potential customers they move on to next church.

    Climber Christian- Those who use the church to establish good network at work and career. They sit in the church closer to those they feel can pull them up. They never forget to shake hands with their potential mentors or bosses before they leave.

    Egoist Christians- Those are normally already well to do people. They attend the church and possibly involve in voluntary work mainly to gain recognition from the parish and community. They like awards, trophies, plaque and dinners to honor them. Do not forget to arrange a photographer for those events. It is better to show their pictures on the newspaper.


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  20. Part 2A of 2

    Hard-Sell Christian- You possibly have had this experience with the salesmen in Leon’s or Bad Boy furniture stores. As soon as you walk into their stores, they follow you like black flies chasing their blood, your blood of course. They will not go away until you buy something. Similarly this type of Christians follows you everywhere by snail mail pamphlets, e-mails, I-Phones, I-Pad and I-Fax etc. in order to sell you their I-God. It is I-rritating for sure. It is not easy to tell them to stop without risking your friendship. They think they are doing God’s work and they would go to the cross like Jesus if necessary. A few words of putting off will not bother them. One way to stop them may be by sending them all information relating to devils, exorcism, magic, Jewish or Islamic pamphlets, gay/lesbian spa discount coupons, abortion clinic promotions, birth control sample pills. If you do not want to do it yourself, call Jewish or Islamic or gay organizations asking them to send the information to your holy friend’s address. They will have all the good news from all Gods.

    Counseling Christians- They have regular meetings such as “Bible Study” or “Prayer Group”. They gather together perhaps read the bible verses or prayer for fifteen to twenty minutes. Then they move on to the second session of counseling/therapy to talk about their personal problems from depression to PMS to menopause. Then they proceed to the third session to talk about anything from John having an affair with Marian to Bill’s can running away. Tea is served and meeting ends. Everyone knows everyone else. How about the bible? Only God knows.

    Samson,
    Ontario, Canada

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    1. 香港現在有一派「政治基督徒」----鼠王芬、劏房波、黃弱智等等。
      真是魑魅魍魎,醜態百出。

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