笑話：針鋒相對

(中譯：Chris)

1.

A man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoots his friend and kills him.有個男人回家，發覺老婆與他朋友在床上，就把他槍殺了。

Wife says, 'If you keep on behaving like this, you'll lose ALL your friends.' 老婆對他說：「你這種行為要是不改，你會甚麼朋友都沒有了。」

2.

A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, 'Send me a brother.'小男孩寫信給聖誕老人：「送個弟弟給我。」

Santa wrote back, 'SEND ME YOUR MOTHER' 他收到聖誕老人的回覆：「送你媽過來。」

3.

Stress is when wife is pregnant.「壓力」是老婆懷了孕。

Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.「緊張」是女友懷了孕。

Panic is when both are pregnant.「恐慌」是老婆和女友一齊懷了孕。

4.

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?老師問：「有誰知道Period(句號)的重要？」

Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, and my mom fainted, dad had a heart attack, and our neighbor ran away.小學生答：「我知道。我姐姐有次Period (英文也作「月經」解) 沒來，媽媽嚇暈了，爸爸心臟病發，鄰居的大哥哥溜掉了。」

5.

A women asks man who is traveling with six children, 'Are all these kids yours?' 某女士問一個帶著六個小孩的男人：「都是您的孩子嗎？」
The man replies sarcastically, 'No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer complaints.' 男人沒好氣地答：「不是的。其實我是避孕套工廠的員工，他們到都是顧客投訴的證物啦。」

6.

A young boy asks his Dad, 'What is the difference between confident and confidential?' 小孩問爸爸：「Confident和 Confidential這兩個字的意思有甚麼不同嗎？」

Dad says, 'You are my son. I'm confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son. That's confidential!' 爸爸說：「我可以Confident(有信心) 地說，你是我的兒子。至於在那邊的你那個朋友也是我的兒子，就是Confidential(機密)的囉！」